The doom and gloom of life can bring some unexpected and painful twists to you, but we must remember that there is a reason for all things. God uses everything to accomplish His will. Sometimes painful times are not valleys; they are big, fiery pits that make you believe that you are there forever. Satan wants you to believe that your circumstance is permanent. But God offers peace during your suffering and will pull you from the ashes. I have been through the valley of doom and gloom. I have been through the fiery pit of pain, tears, and suffering. There are days, many days, where I felt like I could not withstand the pain no longer. Many days I felt like my pain had won. I thought I was done. But somehow, I was able to get to the next minute, the next hour, the next day. When I could no longer press on, God was there. When I could not take another step, He walked with me. When I thought I could not take anymore, He held me. And finally, FINALLY, I am out of the pit full of suffering and pain. I have made it! And you can too. An unknown author once said, “Strength does not come from what you can do. It comes from overcoming the things you thought you couldn’t.” If you are in the fiery pit of hell right now, hang in there. Hold on tight to anything and everything you can. Do your best to seek Him, even if its reading one Bible verse. Spend a little time every day for you, even if that means watching your favorite tv show or coloring in your kid's coloring book. Do whatever you need to do to get your mind off of things. Most of all, give yourself grace to check out of life. You need it. Even if you can't feel Him, He is there. I promise you, He is there. Let him hold you. Check out this song from Tauren Wells called Hills and Valleys. I absolutely love the new year. The new year brings opportunity, renewal, and a clean slate. It does not matter what happened in 2019 because 2020 gives you a rebirth. It is the perfect time to revamp. One of the things I have decided to do this year is to make a mission statement to keep my focus this year. My 2020 mission is to live fiercely!. Let's not write a list of New Resolutions that we know we won't accomplish. If you want to write something down, write down phrases that are more generic that are continual throughout the year rather than concrete. Such as, "Do more of what makes me happy" or "Worry Less." Here are a few examples: 1) Choose healthy over unhealthy. 2) Rest more. 3) Spend more time with my children. What are you wanting to do to renew your 2020? Is there something you want to begin or end? How can you continue to promote continued healing in your life? Is there a habit that you need to begin or end? Set some vision goals or a mission statement, and post it where you can see it weekly. I am so excited to see where this year goes with you! "Where is my daddy?" Those four words crush me every time I hear them. My beautiful innocent daughter only a few years of age, has already experienced heartbreak; that is something that should not be felt till at least sixteen when she experiences her first breakup. But that was challenge that God has given her. I am sure by now you are thinking of a question or two that you struggle to answer: Who is my dad? Why are you not together anymore? Where is he? Didn't you love each other? So many words, good and bad, are being thrown around in your brain as you try to choose the "right" answer. You plead, "Oh Lord, what is the right answer for these questions?" Despite each of us being on different paths with different stories, our answers are the same: God is good and He has a plan. Although it has taken me to process the past to go from thinking, "Oh your father abandoned us before you were born." to saying, "Sweet child, God is our daddy for you and me. And He has a plan." I know that it is the "right" answer. How are you doing with answering those tricky questions? Does your answer need a lift? Only you and the Lord can answer that questions, but I can tell you that no one is judging you. The struggle is real and it is so hard to separate pain from our words. Let us take time to evaluate our answers and see where we can make them more Holy. Our children will be better for it. A handful summers ago, my front yard bushes were becoming an Amazon forest. So I hopped onto YouTube and searched, "How to prune bushes." (Despite growing up on a farm, I am quite clueless about the outdoors). I then scurried outside and began pruning my bushes one by one. Before I knew it, there were more branches on my front lawn than on the actual bush. I became a little concerned, but my 45 minutes of YouTube pruning videos made me feeling like a professional landscaper so I brushed it off. I became worried when after a few weeks, and then almost two months, I did not see any regrowth. The leaves were falling off, the branches looked dark, and my front lawn bushes looked too ready for Halloween. I assumed they were dead and would have to replace them next Spring. Don't we all go through periods when we feel like our spirit is dead? We call out to God and plead for His help, but in that moment we can not "feel" Him like in other past-times. We feel our spirit ache for His presence, but God is silent. Our desires show our desperation for His guidance. He loves us too much to give us what we want all the time. You see, God gives us times of pruning. John 15 reminds us that, "He cuts off every branch in [us] that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful." It's a time to stripe ourselves of humanly expectations, worldly desires, and wrong motives. He loves us too much to keep us where we are. Yesterday I went to grab the mail, and I noticed that one of my pitiful bushes as a a hint of green regrowth on its ends. I did not kill my bushes (thank God!), I nearly helped it grow stronger and more beautiful. That is who you are . . . despite seasons of silence and pruning, God is continually making you into a more beautiful and even stronger momma. You are a strong momma! As I sat down at three in the afternoon with my "lunch," all I could think about is how badly my body hurt. Despite being able to squeeze in a few hours of work, so many errands in such a short amount of time I am pretty sure I should receive some sort of award, and two meetings, I did not feel accomplished but warn out. Why is it that we continually run ourselves down? Let's be honest: our lists are never-ending, the laundry is over-flowing, and people requests are ever-constant. We want to rest, but know it is not even a possibility. And if we do convince ourselves it is okay to rest, we do not see it as that. We see it as being lazy. So we put on our mom jeans, throw our hair into a messy bun, and dart out the door to accomplish the 163 items that must be completed today. Don't get me wrong, we crush that list and then some. After all, as single mothers we have learned to not just make our mark, but make sure we go beyond. But where does it lead us? It leads us to being tired, spiritually and physically exhausted. Have you ever seen a 165 year old tree? Not only is its stance and silloutte is beautiful , but its strength is so apparent. No matter how many rains, snows, or winds come, that tree is not going anywhere. Jesus says in John 5:5, "I am the vine; you are the branches. Remain in me." He is the strong trunk holding us out. He is our unwavering foundation. And He is not letting us go. Let us refocus and reprioritize our mom list to include time for ourselves and more time to sit in His presence. Choose today to write two or three on your to-dos of things that is just for you. Make one of those things something that is completely quiet, such as a hot bath or frankly, a nap (I think we all could use one!). And during that time reflect on His goodness and desire to be part of your life. He desires to have quiet time with you as well as be with you when you are darting in and out of shops. Allow Him in. Shock and utter disbelief blanket my face as I sit in the most important room in the entire institution. " We have decided to take a different route. You have three days to submit the needed items before leaving. " I was not expecting my job to literally be gone. Not fired. Not suspended, but completely deleting my job description at my workplace. As I thanked them for their time and slowly walked out of that office, each step away brought more and more anxiety. The questions began: How am I going to pay my rent? Her daycare is so expensive. I am on my own, I can not do this! How am I going to do this? Psalm 55 came to my mind, "Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken." Cast your burdens. As I walked back to my office I chose to cast my burdens to God. By the time I grabbed a cardboard box and walked into my office, I was at 100 percent at peace about what just happened only minutes ago. As I put more effort into growing in my faith closer to Him, I see less and less anxiety and more of Him. Sometimes in the midst of chaos we can forget that the Lord has our lives already planned out. He knew you were going to lose that job, lose that mate, or lose whatever has left a hole in your heart. You see, this world is so temporary. Everything is temporary. Every. Single. Thing. From our jobs to our family to where we live, all temporary. It is up to us to remind ourselves that our permanence and constance comes from above. Write down three things in your life that you are having a difficult time with, and beside each one write a sentence of how you believe God would respond to you with. You can use a Bible verse and reword it. For instance: I am not happy in my job. God would say, "My child, work for the Lord and not for men." He is there for you. He sees you. Let Him in. P.S. Within those three days God brought me a job offer that doubled my pay and gave me shorter working hours so that I could stay home with my little girl. And even though I enjoyed that job, God had something even better for me! Remember that sometimes the most detrimental thing can be the biggest blessing! Tears ran quickly down my cheeks for what seemed like the thousandth time. "I did not choose this path! I did not choose this!" Those tears of sadness turned into drop of anger. I was beyond angry at the situation. I have followed God’s direction with the marriage 100% since day one and still continued living a life with God as my foundation. I did not understand that even though I did everything right in His eyes that everything felt so wrong in my life. It did not make sense to me. I think we can all agree that we did not choose this path. No one wakes up and says, "Hey, I think I will become a single mom today!" We all fell in love thinking that the bond was forever, and each of us has our own story of how that love turned into something so toxic that it caused us to leave or to be abandoned, or someone that loved us dearly was somehow ripped away from us. But we can not let our tears, our hurt, or our anger overtake us or we will become the people we dislike the most...the person we chose to leave or that left us or the least version of yourself. Honestly, I have spent years with a rotation of feeling angry and then sorry for myself; it did not help. The more that I fell into that hole, the crappier I felt about myself (even though many told me I had a right to be angry). One thing I recommend is finding an experienced counselor that can guide you through some of the not-so-fun stuff. For me it took over year to finally accept that some of the dreams I had since I was a child would literally not going to happen due to the responsibility of raising a child on my own. But once I accepted that my dreams were not longer a possibility at this stage of life, God brought another exciting and amazing dream for me to focus on. Isaiah 40:31 says, " but they who wait for the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary;.." .Now, I can not imagine following through with the first dream I was so set on. It has taken me a long time to get rid of my old mindset and my old dreams, and make new ones. And the process would have been so much quicker and less painful if I shared more with a counselor. I am so grateful for Christian counsel (A shout out to Vicki. You are a life send!) Remember my strong single momma: You are a freakn’ superhero. Be proud of your motherhood and your children. Rely on God fully - without question. Without strength from God, we would not be able to be a full-time mommy & daddy, work a job, and somehow find time to sleep and squeeze in a shower once in a while. Be proud of all that you can do and remind yourself that you are wonderwoman! Go buy yourself something nice today! As I woke up after an eight hour sleep I was already exhausted for the day. The pain was just so heavy. I wanted to believe that God has a plan for my broken marriage, but it was not something that I could hold onto right then. All I saw in the morning was emptiness darker than a winter's night. All I could think is that it was just another day of sadness, another day of tears, and another day of wondering if life will always be this hard. But deep down I knew that during this time of accepting that my dream of having a strong, loving Christian marriage was never going to happen, I knew I needed to hold onto to something. 1Corinthians 2:9 which says, “What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived-- the things God has prepared for those who love him." The long days of the unknown brought so much uncertainty. Life seemed so unstable and unbalanced. Don't get me wrong, there were many days were I did not believe this verse or what God was doing at all. There were countless days where even as a previous strong woman of faith that I one-hundred percent questioned God and His existence. But even through all that, deep down past all the pain and suffering, I knew He was there. So I held onto this verse for days on end, and still do to this day. This verse brought me the constant that I needed it. I put in on pieces of paper, in my e-mail, on my computer desktop, and in my car. I spoke it aloud constantly. God is not done with you yet. He is stirring something so deep in your heart and life. When the worse is over and you begin to emotionally have time to process, you will begin to see the bigger picture. I know the pain is deeper than you can explain to anyone and the tears are so constant that your eyes sting, but I promise you the the best is yet to come. I am so very excited about what God has entailed for you. I want you to choose a verse, any Bible verse that speaks to you. I want you to email it to yourself, put it on a notecard in your car, and stick it on your fridge. During your days of uncertainty you need a constant. God is your constant even if you can not hear or feel Him. Hold onto that verse. He will get you through! THE BEST IS YET TO COME for you and your children. Believe it! For musical inspiration, check out this beautiful song by the Towalts. For those who are going through those dark days, be encouraged with this video: Praise Before The Breakthrough It seems like yesterday that I found myself in the shower, my head leaning on the wall, allowing fiery hot water to pound on me; I was just screaming to feel something with no avail. Those darkest of days can never be truly explained in words or description. The days and nights blend together, the easiest of tasks seem all so difficult, and even the toast burning literally ends your day. At the time I was dealing with so much: a new born child, a man who literally broke his vows on our wedding day and then abandoned me while pregnant, trying to figure how how to pay for necessities while jobless... the list was endless. ...When will it ever stop? It took me years of processing to realize that I was doing all I could to not feel, when in reality what I needed to do was allow myself to let all my feelings go. I needed to let go of what I thought my life should be, what I thought my future should be, and of what I thought I should be. I need to let go of my dreary thoughts of everything. And although it was painful to let all my feelings enter my heart, those hards months turned into hard weeks. And those hard weeks turned into hard days. And now, those hard days are just hard hours. Healing is not instant. It is a work in progress. I found that writing down my doubts, my aches, and pains and counteracting them with a Bible verse helped me visually see my pain going away. I would plaster those verses all over the place; I still do. I also found that the shower, oddly enough, was my place of refreshment and healing. What once was a place where the burning water would not let me feel a thing, I now feel a pure, clean rinse over myself as a way to daily reconnect with who I am in the moment. Find yourself a place where you feel the most clear, clean, or pure, where you feel God the most. And do your best to spend as much time there as you can. Even if that means having a higher monthly water bill. Here are a few Bible verses that helped me during my time of pain processing: "He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." - Psalm 147:3 "He will wipe every tear from their eyes....there will be no more suffering..." -Revelations 21:4 "The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pasture, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul." - Psalm 23 Plaster these babies all over the place. Allow your self to process the pain. You deserve more. You are strong. I never thought I would be here. I guess we all say that in some shape or form, but really, I never thought I would be here. Becoming a mother, especially to such a wonderful child, has been one of the most life-changing experiences of my entire life. It has made me so much more patient, more loving, more humbled. But I did not know what I would be doing it on my own. For years I had purposely made myself forget reality to cope. I married a few years ago, ready to conquer the world, only for my life to drastically change within hours after marrying. For reasons beyond my control I fled, yes fled. I will state that separating and divorce was done with Christian counsel and continues to be under guidance of Christian counsel. Even though I have been a single mom for years, I never saw myself till recently. Reality hit when I received a piece of mail from someone, wanting to give single mothers a gift for Mother’s Day; And I was on their mailing list. It hit me like a ton of bricks. For years, I have just seen myself as a mother who is waiting. Waiting for the nightmare to be over, that my dream of a happy marriage and “whole” family would come back to life. I have prayed, begged, and mostly screamed, asking God to make my marriage whole again, to take away the burden and weight on my shoulders, and to help me survive. There has been so many days where I felt like I could not survive. When I look over the past few years my mind is flooded with so many things. First, the bad: the immense amount of work it takes to be a mother and a father to a child, constantly feeling like I am not doing enough for her, never ever getting a break, somehow being able to function full-time at a job, while running a ministry full-time, and yet also raise a child. But the good always outweighs the bad. The good: that the Lord provided me the most beautiful and amazing child on the face of the Earth, being able to receive double the hugs and double the kisses, those hallmark moments such as her first birthday and her first word mean even more, the feeling of unconditional love from another human being, real love. Hearing someone tell me they love me, and mean it. So, what do I want you to take away from this note? The main reason why I am even posting this is because I want not only bring awareness that single moms happen for a variety of reasons, but we are more than what has happened to us. And I think we can all agree that our children are a complete blessing! We are all so much more. And I hope this blog shows that you that in your own life! In His Service, Melissa <3 P.S. Music is a huge part of my life and healing process. I will be periodically leaving you songs that has impacted me along the way. Today, check out: This is Me. |
AuthorMelissa Brown is a strong momma who lives in Wapakoneta, Ohio. She enjoys spending time with her daughter, Zoey, and taking long naps. Posts
May 2024
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